Hey. It’s me. I’ve been staring at this blank white page for weeks now, trying to formulate the perfect starting sentence for this. “It’s not that serious”, I feel my brain saying in the background. But it’s been almost 5 months since I’ve posted.
Yes, life gets busy- for all of us. I’m not even trying to go there. Life’s been weird lately. I like it. Weird that is. I’ve been happy, a majority of the time. It’s a conscious choice I make daily before my feet hit the ground to thank the good Lord above for waking me up and then to say to self- Today is going to be a good day. A vast majority of them are. I try to live by the 5 by 5 rule. If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes on it. Most of the time I succeed. I’m also an ex-overthinker. I used to overthink every little thing to death. Sound exhausting?! It most definitely fucking is. There’s no sugar coating it. And again most of the time I succeed in not doing so. Except when it comes to my job. I still do it there. And I’m still working on that.
The past several months I’ve been working through some things. Nothing too crazy, just unresolved issues from my childhood and adolescence. We all have them. And there’s nothing like realizing the mortality of your grandparents and parents to make you want to sift through your own bullshit to achieve a greater level of inner peace to enjoy the rest of your own life.
Sounds heavy, I know. But there’s nothing like realizing you’ve been the one holding yourself back to make you GO. It’s truly our self limiting beliefs, fear and comparison to others and where they are that really sucks the joy out of one’s life. I hesitated writing about this for some time due to the fact that social media is supposed to only show the good right? Otherwise it’s negative? I’m calling bullshit. Life is full of ups and downs, curves to the left and right, etc. it’s our choices that dictate a lot of the nexts. Or at least next string of choices. Studies suggest the average person makes anywhere between 3-35,000 choices a day. From there it’s how we choose to be proactive or on the opposite reactive about the outcomes, that determines again what’s next at times.
The past several months have been a whirlwind, forgiveness has been a central theme, for myself and others (old baggage pre-early twenties). My fiancé and I tied the knot. We eloped in a little ghost town in Nevada that stole our hearts almost three years ago. We made some solid plans about our future. And we’ve both been adulting hardcore. Somewhere in the middle of it all though- I started to withdraw- the gym has been non existent (I’m starting over- again), from friends (I started to question who’s actually a good friend and who’s not), family (that’s a another story for another time), everything but my work (that’s been good- great actually). I have no idea why- other than just being in a funk- I guess we all get in them. And now I’m being proactive about it rather than ignoring the elephant in the room.
So why talk about it? Why not just do it? Well I am just doing it but also, I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s life seems as though not a thing should be out of place therefore you’re not allowing yourself to simply feel as though you have. It’s okay to feel that way. But it’s not okay to stay there. Don’t wallow in whatever emotions you’ve got going on. Feel them & work through them. Like really work through them. Ignoring does nothing but delay… whatever you’re going through. Pinpoint the root of the issue(s) and make strides to fix it….
In the meantime, give yourself a break from the daily sift. You’re only human my dear.